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What Does It Mean to BE Alone?

Haven't written here for a few years I see.  In fact, hadn't thought much about this blog until a couple of days ago when I spoke with a young man experiencing his own form of deep freeze. I immediately connected with him through our shared experience separated by decades.  I can't say anything about his experience of our interchange, but for me, the connection was important as I have been experiencing isolation again for the past few months, or should I say, have been perceiving and allowing the isolation experience to be what it is?  

One is never done with being human, and part of this is to revisit all the ways of being human in cyclic and spiral form.  For me, one of the states I revisit on a regular basis is a sense of disconnection.  Over the years, with each visit, I learn something new.  Disconnection has many faces or facets.  There are "bliss" forms, "anguish" forms, "longing" forms, "fear-filled" forms, forms of psuedo-"strength and invulnerability", and simple "numb" forms.

This particular bout of loneliness is again different as each always is.  It has brought with it a "stability" within the storm that is noticeable, robust and trust-worthy.  How odd to have this certainty of, "All is well" and a curious wanting to learn more about this state, while simultaneously experiencing the extremely distressing psychological "emptiness" and anxiety it generates when the "experiencer" searches for a way out.

I notice and record types of loneliness and nuances of each.  This is interesting and perhaps useful at some level.  The danger here lies in trying to "fix" life,  (it is such a conundrum to make changes to alter a situation without "fixing"), or in doing nothing in order NOT to "fix".   This pesky "Middle Way" is certainly a paradox!

Loneliness is experienced at the level of "I".  "I" am alone...... yet there is an aloneness which is not lonely. "I" experience this every time I go for a walk.  (Alone with being one with everything?)

During meditation today my mind was busy moving and sported many images which led to an Aha! in the deep.  One of the images was of the dna of mother and father joining together to make one out of two at the moment of fertilization, and I realized that from the beginning I was never one, that from the beginning we all are twins and perspective exploded to infinite - stardust joining itself to be itself.  Stardust zygote calling for stardust nourishment to grow.  Stardust universe pouring itself into stardust embryo to both diminish itself on one side of a balanced equation with a growing self on the other.  Then a waterfall came into sight and the river basin it was pulled into.  The call and response of Universe.  "Catch me!  Here I come!"  "Come and jump, I will catch you!" In the end, only water; flowing, falling, crashing, caught, roaring, misting, rainbow-ing, rising as vapor to cloud and rain.

Unity in diversity.  Diversity in Unity.


Han Shan's 11th Maxim:

"Put a fish on land and he will remember the ocean until he dies.  Put a bird in a cage, yet he will not forget the sky.  Each remains homesick for his true home, the place where his nature has decreed that he should be.

Man is born in the state of innocence. His original nature is love and grace and purity. Yet he emigrates so casually without even a thought of his old home. Is this not sadder than the fishes and birds?"

alone again, but not cold

Solitude --- “fasting” from communion/interaction with others of our kind develops/creates/enhances the hunger of loneliness ….. and each morsal of connection/conversation'presence is savored for the flavors inherant in each. Gluttony on the other hand leads to indigestion, hedonism, dissatisfaction. Must one be a hermit to truly experience the preciousness of all??? I feel like I am waking up again in these past few days and hours of alone.

Hello Little One

Thomas Arthur was born June 27, 2014 at 5:40 am, and for the past couple of weeks, I have had the rare and precious gift of being able to watch the waking-up of human consciousness in this little package of universe.

Gazing into a newborn's eyes, one can see back through all the generations, all the selections nature has made and not made; back through the primordial soup, deep into the heart of the big bang, and beyond to now.

*bow*

Welcome to the world Tommy boy!

We Now Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Program

Jumping out of the way, the small leopard frog barely missed getting tromped on by Ms Edna Moo Moo…..    

“Edna, for Christ's sake, will ya watch where yer walkin' "

Edna stopped chewing and spoke around her spring grass cud, “ Sorry Jeeps, I didn't see you, you kinda blend in dontcha know?”

 Jeeps hopped over to in front of his friend Edna, so she didn't have to to twist her head over her shoulder.

“Yeah, I know, this time of year I should stay out of the grass, but you need to pay more attention too.”

Edna lowered her head and tore another mouthful of sweet tender, bright green spring grass out of the ground with her teeth “(Chomp, chomp), Have you, (chomp, chew), seen Samsnail yet this, (chew, chew, swallow), spring?” “I am always afraid I will hear a crunch, crunch when I graze this time of year.  I keep asking him to tell me where he'll be, but you know Sam, always falling asleep glued on a stalk somewhere without a care in the world.”

Just then,  Jeeps' tongue flashed out the side of his mouth, pinning a buzzing blue bottle fly in mid-flight, and just as suddenly, retracted, stuffing his mouth full of fly,  "SNAP"

 "Oooo m gob!  Mumph…. orry, (spit - spit)". (A spit covered fly tumbles onto soft green grass), "Sorry Botsie, old habits".  

Botsie Blue Fly righted herself, shook herself as dry as she could and shot off flying. Over her shoulder she snorted a disgusted, "Jeepszzzzzz you should have a blinking Hazzzzzard sign on your back!  zzzzzzzzz   

HUMPF!!!"

Jeeps' blushed deep forest green and called after his friend,  "Really Botsie - I'm sorry!!!!"

A contented Edna chuckled as she continued to chew her cud.

***********************

There ends this morning's pre-waking dream   *grin*  

I am down here in Atlanta at my daughter and husband's house waiting for their new baby to make his way into the world.  I wonder if that is why I am dreaming in children's stories these days?  Probably. Yesterday we all went to a huge book closeout warehouse and spent an afternoon looking at, and reading, children's books.  And yes, I guess I am dreaming frogs because they used to be my mother's favorites, and cows, because I fell in love with Brahma cows with their floppy ears and BIG brown eyes years ago.

  The snail……… well I just don't know where he came from, except I dig snails and all their varieties as I do metallic flies.

Life is SO amazing!!!!!!   HURRY UP THOMAS ARTHUR!!!!   We are all waiting for you  :)  There is soooooo much to see and do and be.

 *HUG*

Better Run Through the Jungle

Laughing so much last night with old friends.  I had forgotten how much we laughed all the time, even through the tears.  Today, walking down old streets of time - remembering.  Again.  Remembering those who have disappeared from our lives - war, drugs, gangs, depression, failing body, accident, and then those who just vanished, (like I did once).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbI0cMyyw_M

I went looking for some information about the wars that have occurred during my lifetime   (1950 -   ?  ).  I found this list here:   http://www.war-memorial.net/wars_all.asp   Knocked the wind out of me.

Wars since 1900

Name of War   ∨ ∧	Years   ∨ ∧	Fatalities	Memorials
Syrian civil war	2011 - 2012	18,821	[2]
Libyan Civil War	2011 - 2012	2,080	[3]
Yemen vs Al-Quaeda	2009 - 2012	3,811
Kivu Conflict	2006 - 2012	4,272
Mexican Drug War	2006 - 2012	83,000	[3]
Southern Lebanon War	2006 - 2006	1,003	[3]
Waziristan conflict	2004 - 2012	22,016
Iraqi Insurgency	2003 - 2012	23,461	[8]
Iraq vs US led coalition	2003 - 2003	8,202	[10]
Al Quaeda vs USA and allies	2001 - 2012	4,538	[12]
Afghanistan war	2001 - 2012	43,917	[5]
Civil War in Côte d Ivoire	2000 - 2005	1,471	[1]
Eritrea vs Ethiopia	1998 - 2000	98,192	[1]
Guinea Bissau Coup	1998 - 1999	1,700
Yugoslavia vs NATO Forces and UCK Guerilla	1997 - 1999	4,992	[5]
Congo Brazzaville Civil War	1997 - 1999	15,540	[1]
Nepal Civil War	1996 - 2006	12,284	[1]
First and Second Congo Wars	1996 - 2006	208,367	[1]
Russia vs Chechnyan Secessionists	1994 - 2007	20,381	[7]
North Yemen vs Secessionists	1994 - 1994	1,491
Tajikistan Govt vs Opposition	1992 - 1998	6,834
Bosnian Govt vs Serbian Insurgents	1992 - 1995	24,504	[7]
Iran vs rebel groups (MEK,PJAK etc)	1991 - 2011	3,200
Burundi Civil War	1991 - 2005	13,671	[2]
Sierra Leone Govt vs Rebels	1991 - 2002	12,034	[2]
Georgian Civil War	1991 - 1993	2,439
Croatia vs Serbian Irregulars, Rep. Krajina	1991 - 1992	1,749	[3]
Somalia Civil War	1990 - 2012	37,236	[2]
Rwanda Civil War (Hutus vs Tutsis)	1990 - 2012	527,145	[3]
Algeria Govt vs Islamic rebels, GIA, AIS, AQIM	1990 - 2005	18,348	[1]
First Gulf War	1990 - 1991	22,848	[4]
India vs Pakistan, Kashmir Dispute	1989 - 2012	24,253	[12]
Liberia Civil War	1989 - 2003	22,247	[2]
Indonesia Gvt vs Aceh Liberation movement	1989 - 2003	5,280
Nagorno-Karabakh War	1988 - 1994	4,623	[1]
South Yemen Coup	1986 - 1986	10,000
Indian Govt vs Punjab	1985 - 2000	7,247	[2]
Turkey Gov vs Kurdistan Guerilla (PPK)	1984 - 2012	33,990	[1]
Sudan Government vs Militias	1983 - 2012	68,769	[1]
Sri Lankan Govt vs Tamil Militants (LTTE)	1983 - 2009	62,313	[8]
Senegal Civil War	1982 - 2011	1,781
Iraq Government vs SCIRI	1982 - 2000	1,306
Falklands War	1982 - 1982	964	[5]
Nicaragua Govt vs Contras	1981 - 1990	30,000	[1]
Uganda Civil War	1980 - 2007	116,044	[1]
Peruvian Gvt vs Sendero Luminoso and MRTA	1980 - 1999	19,466	[1]
Iran vs Iraq	1980 - 1988	644,500	[4]
Iran vs Muhajedin e-Khalq	1979 - 2001	4,395
Cambodian Govt vs Khmer Rouge	1979 - 1998	84,950
El Salvador Gvt vs FMLN Guerrillas	1979 - 1992	55,000	[2]
Mozambique Govt vs Guerilla	1979 - 1992	115,600
Sino-Vietnamese War	1979 - 1988	48,223
Syrian Govt vs Muslim Brotherhood	1979 - 1982	2,075
Afghanistan Civil War	1978 - 2001	121,536	[3]
Rebels vs Ethiopian Government	1978 - 1991	52,398
Vietnam vs Cambodia (Kampuchea)	1978 - 1979	32,500
Nicaraguan Gvt vs Sandinistas	1978 - 1979	10,000	[1]
Uganda vs Tanzania	1978 - 1979	4,000
Iranian Revolution	1978 - 1979	1,100
Ethiopia vs Oromia rebels (OLF)	1977 - 2012	3,070	[1]
Chittagong Hill Tracts Conflict	1977 - 1997	1,152
Ethiopia vs Somalia	1977 - 1978	4,000
East Timorese Guerilla vs Indonesian Govt	1976 - 1999	75,150	[1]
Ethiopia vs Somali (Ogadeni) Rebels	1976 - 1983	3,839
Angolan Gvt vs UNITA Guerilla	1975 - 2000	157,400	[1]
Iraq vs Kurdistan (KDP/PUK)	1975 - 1996	5,928	[1]
Western Sahara War	1975 - 1991	13,000	[1]
Lebanese Civil War	1975 - 1990	144,000	[7]
Argentina: Civil War and Dirty War	1975 - 1983	20,000	[2]
Ethiopia vs Eritrea	1974 - 1991	98,927
Turko Cypriot War	1974 - 1974	5,000
Balochistan Insurgency	1973 - 1977	8,600
Chilean MIlitary Coup	1973 - 1973	2,095	[2]
Yom Kippur War	1973 - 1973	6,450	[1]
Hutu Rebellion	1972 - 1972	153,000
Philippines Govt vs Mindanao Guerilla	1971 - 2008	13,639
Sri Lanka Govt vs JVP	1971 - 1990	1,902	[1]
Bangladesh War	1971 - 1971	50,000	[4]
Philippine Government vs CPP Guerrilla	1969 - 2008	25,000
Northern Ireland, The Troubles	1969 - 1994	3,149	[4]
Israel vs Egypt	1969 - 1970	5,520
Football War Honduras vs El Salvador	1969 - 1969	2,107
Rhodesian Government vs ZANU,ZAPU,PF	1967 - 1979	27,080	[3]
Chinese Cultural Revolution	1967 - 1976	2,050,000	[1]
Cambodian Civil War	1967 - 1975	246,204
Nigerian Civil War	1967 - 1970	75,000	[2]
The Six Day War	1967 - 1967	10,047	[1]
Chad Civil War	1966 - 2010	37,233
Namibia vs South Africa	1966 - 1988	10,000	[5]
Guatemalan Civil War	1965 - 1995	88,575	[2]
Indonesian annexation of West Papua	1965 - 1978	2,100
Vietnam War	1965 - 1975	2,048,050	[7]
Dominican Republic Coup	1965 - 1965	4,027
Second Kashmir War	1965 - 1965	5,000	[2]
Colombia Govt vs Guerillas Farc and ELN	1964 - 2012	47,303	[2]
Mozambique War of Independence	1964 - 1975	13,500	[2]
Sudan Government vs Insurgents	1963 - 1972	10,000
First Rwanda Civil War	1963 - 1964	1,000
Guinea Bissau War of Independence	1962 - 1974	15,000	[1]
North Yemen Civil War	1962 - 1970	10,000
Algerian Civil War	1962 - 1963	1,500	[1]
Sino-Indian War	1962 - 1962	2,105	[2]
Angolan War of Independence	1961 - 1975	79,000	[1]
Laos Civil War	1960 - 1973	21,500
First Kurdish–Iraqi War	1960 - 1970	6,600
Congo Crisis	1960 - 1965	7,150	[2]
1959 Mosul uprising in Iraq	1959 - 1959	2,000	[1]
First Lebanese War	1958 - 1958	1,400
Second Taiwan Strait Crisis	1958 - 1958	1,500
PRRI and Permesta revolts in Indonesia	1957 - 1961	27,200
Tibetan Uprising	1956 - 1959	12,000
Cuban Revolution	1956 - 1959	1,000
Sinai War	1956 - 1956	2,142	[2]
Soviet Invasion of Hungary	1956 - 1956	3,171	[2]
Vietnam Civil War	1955 - 1964	164,923
Cameroon War of Independence	1955 - 1960	11,700
Algerian War of Independece	1954 - 1962	182,526	[2]
First Taiwan Strait Crisis	1954 - 1955	2,370
Moroccan War of Independence	1953 - 1956	3,000
Indonesian Govt vs Darul islam	1953 - 1953	2,700
Kenya, Mau-Mau vs UK	1952 - 1956	17,100	[3]
Tunisian war of Independence	1952 - 1954	3,000
Bolivian Revolution	1952 - 1952	1,000
Korean War	1950 - 1953	995,000	[11]
Third Sino-Tibetan War	1950 - 1950	4,000
Israel vs Palestine	1948 - 2012	16,697	[5]
Burmese Government vs Separatist Guerillas	1948 - 2012	49,243
Burmese Govt vs Communist Guerillas	1948 - 1988	17,700
La Violencia	1948 - 1958	29,800
Malayan Civil War	1948 - 1957	9,100	[2]
Arab-Israeli War	1948 - 1949	8,000	[1]
Cheju Rebellion in South Korea	1948 - 1949	17,000	[1]
Yemeni Imamate War	1948 - 1948	5,000
Costa Rican Civil War	1948 - 1948	2,000
First Kashmir War	1947 - 1949	3,200
Madagascar Rebellion	1947 - 1948	12,200	[1]
Indian Partition Communal Violence	1947 - 1948	200,000
Civil War in Mandatory Palestine	1947 - 1948	4,009	[2]
Telangana Rebellion and Indo-Hyderabad War	1947 - 1948	5,210
Paraguayan Gvt vs Rebels	1947 - 1947	1,000
Taiwanese revolt	1947 - 1947	1,250	[1]
Philippines, Huk rebels vs Govt	1946 - 1954	11,300
First Indochina War Comm. vs France	1945 - 1954	269,500	[2]
Soviet Union vs Baltic Partisans (’’Forest Brethren’’)	1945 - 1951	32,400
Chinese Civil War	1945 - 1950	1,200,000	[1]
Ukrainian Revolts	1945 - 1947	59,700
Indonesian Independence	1945 - 1946	5,400
Greece Civil War	1944 - 1949	68,207
Franco-Thai War	1940 - 1941	1,400	[1]
World War II	1939 - 1945	50,000,000	[36]
The Winter War in Finland	1939 - 1940	151,798	[1]
The battle of Khalkhin Gol	1939 - 1939	28,000
Changkufeng Incident	1938 - 1938	1,726
Third Sino-Japanese War	1937 - 1941	1,000,000	[6]
Arab revolt in Mandatory Palestine	1936 - 1939	2,576
Second British-Waziristan	1936 - 1939	10,200
Spanish Civil War	1936 - 1939	466,300	[1]
Italo-Ethiopian War	1935 - 1936	20,000
Spanish Socialists vs Govt	1934 - 1934	1,335
Saudi-Yemeni War	1934 - 1934	2,100
Chaco War	1932 - 1935	92,661
El Salvador, La Matanza	1932 - 1932	2,600
Brazilian Revolt	1932 - 1932	1,000
Aprista Revolt in Peru	1932 - 1932	1,100
Xinjiang Muslim Revolt	1931 - 1934	21,000
Manchurian War	1931 - 1933	60,000	[2]
Communists vs Koumintang	1930 - 1935	500,000
Saya San Rebellion	1930 - 1932	1,140
The Yên Bái Uprising	1930 - 1931	1,000
Ikhwan Revolt	1929 - 1930	5,500
Kuomintang vs warlords	1929 - 1930	75,000
Sino-Soviet war	1929 - 1929	3,200
Escobar Rebellion	1929 - 1929	2,000
Second Afghan Anti-Reform War	1928 - 1929	15,000
The Cristero War	1926 - 1929	10,000
Northern Expedition	1926 - 1928	126,500
Druze revolt	1925 - 1927	6,000
Afghan rebels vs govt	1924 - 1925	2,000
Honduras Coup	1924 - 1924	1,000
Soviet-Turkestan War	1921 - 1923	3,500
Moplah Riots in Kerala	1921 - 1922	2,450
Ireland freestaters vs Irregulars	1921 - 1922	4,000
Kronstadt Rebellion	1921 - 1921	2,600
Senussi Orden vs Italy	1920 - 1932	40,000
Third Rif War	1920 - 1926	70,000
Blackshirts vs Leftists	1920 - 1922	3,300
Green Rebellion	1920 - 1921	6,700
Conquest of Mongolia	1920 - 1921	4,000
Iraq vs UK	1920 - 1921	9,540
Lithuanian-Polish War	1920 - 1920	1,000
Franco-Syrian war	1920 - 1920	3,500	[1]
Nejd-Hejaz Wars	1919 - 1925	4,000
Second Greco Turkish War	1919 - 1922	50,000
Turkish War of Independence	1919 - 1921	40,000
Polish-Soviet War	1919 - 1920	100,000
First British-Waziristan War	1919 - 1920	2,000
Hungary Civil War	1919 - 1920	1,500
Sparticist Rising	1919 - 1919	2,170
Hungarian–Romanian War of 1919	1919 - 1919	11,000
Third Anglo-Afghan War	1919 - 1919	2,136
Latvian Liberation	1918 - 1920	13,246
Caco Revolt	1918 - 1920	2,102
Estonian Liberation War	1918 - 1920	11,750	[2]
Second Sino-Tibetan	1918 - 1918	1,500
Finnish Civil War	1918 - 1918	15,150	[1]
Russian Revolution and Civil War	1917 - 1922	802,225	[1]
Russia-Turkestan	1916 - 1917	1,350
World War I	1914 - 1918	10,670,868	[12]
Bandits vs Chinas Govt	1914 - 1914	5,000
2nd Balkan War	1913 - 1913	60,500
Kuomintang vs Chinese Army	1913 - 1913	5,000
Moro Rebellion	1913 - 1913	15,050
1st Balkan War	1912 - 1913	82,000	[1]
Paraguay Coups	1911 - 1912	5,000
Italo-Turkish War	1911 - 1912	20,000
First Sino-Tibetan War	1911 - 1912	2,000
Cuba vs Partido Independiente de Color	1911 - 1911	1,050
Chinese Revolution	1911 - 1911	1,000	[2]
Mexican Revolution	1910 - 1920	125,000	[1]
Asir-Yemen Revolt	1910 - 1911	9,000
French Conquest of Wadai Sultanate	1909 - 1911	12,000
The second Rif War	1909 - 1910	10,000
Iranian Constitution War	1908 - 1909	1,100
Portugese war against Dembos	1907 - 1910	5,100
Ma al-’Aynayn’s Anti-Colonial Insurgency	1907 - 1910	3,150
Korean guerilla war against Japanese occupation	1907 - 1910	17,736
Morocco unrest	1907 - 1908	1,400
Romanian Peasant Revolt	1907 - 1907	2,000
4th Central American war	1907 - 1907	1,000
Zulu Rebellion	1906 - 1906	2,356
Third Central American war	1906 - 1906	1,000
Sokoto and UK vs Mahdist Revolt	1906 - 1906	2,080
Russian Revolution 1905	1905 - 1906	1,500
Maji Maji revolt	1905 - 1906	8,840
Dutch-Achinese War	1904 - 1907	24,200
Russo-Japanese war	1904 - 1905	151,831	[1]
Southwest African Revolt	1904 - 1905	12,800	[1]
Second Yemen Rebellion	1904 - 1904	30,000
Uruguay Civil War	1904 - 1904	1,000
Ilinden Uprising	1903 - 1903	6,330
Uprisings in Colonial Angola	1902 - 1904	2,000
The Boxer Rebellion	1900 - 1900	3,003
Sino-Russian War	1900 - 1900	4,000
The Dervish State vs Ethiopia, Britain and Italy	1899 - 1920	6,000
The War of a Thousand Days	1899 - 1903	100,000
Philippine insurrection	1899 - 1902	20,500
Second Boer war	1899 - 1902	30,800

Each one of the "fatalities" above is a face of one particular person; one life living fears and loves, hopes and pet peeves.  Each of those above felt then what we feel now; they breathed the same air, felt the same sun upon their skin.    I wonder if we will ever learn?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tPcc1ftj8E