Haven't written here for a few years I see. In fact, hadn't thought much about this blog until a couple of days ago when I spoke with a young man experiencing his own form of deep freeze. I immediately connected with him through our shared experience separated by decades. I can't say anything about his experience of our interchange, but for me, the connection was important as I have been experiencing isolation again for the past few months, or should I say, have been perceiving and allowing the isolation experience to be what it is?
One is never done with being human, and part of this is to revisit all the ways of being human in cyclic and spiral form. For me, one of the states I revisit on a regular basis is a sense of disconnection. Over the years, with each visit, I learn something new. Disconnection has many faces or facets. There are "bliss" forms, "anguish" forms, "longing" forms, "fear-filled" forms, forms of psuedo-"strength and invulnerability", and simple "numb" forms.
This particular bout of loneliness is again different as each always is. It has brought with it a "stability" within the storm that is noticeable, robust and trust-worthy. How odd to have this certainty of, "All is well" and a curious wanting to learn more about this state, while simultaneously experiencing the extremely distressing psychological "emptiness" and anxiety it generates when the "experiencer" searches for a way out.
I notice and record types of loneliness and nuances of each. This is interesting and perhaps useful at some level. The danger here lies in trying to "fix" life, (it is such a conundrum to make changes to alter a situation without "fixing"), or in doing nothing in order NOT to "fix". This pesky "Middle Way" is certainly a paradox!
Loneliness is experienced at the level of "I". "I" am alone...... yet there is an aloneness which is not lonely. "I" experience this every time I go for a walk. (Alone with being one with everything?)
During meditation today my mind was busy moving and sported many images which led to an Aha! in the deep. One of the images was of the dna of mother and father joining together to make one out of two at the moment of fertilization, and I realized that from the beginning I was never one, that from the beginning we all are twins and perspective exploded to infinite - stardust joining itself to be itself. Stardust zygote calling for stardust nourishment to grow. Stardust universe pouring itself into stardust embryo to both diminish itself on one side of a balanced equation with a growing self on the other. Then a waterfall came into sight and the river basin it was pulled into. The call and response of Universe. "Catch me! Here I come!" "Come and jump, I will catch you!" In the end, only water; flowing, falling, crashing, caught, roaring, misting, rainbow-ing, rising as vapor to cloud and rain.
Unity in diversity. Diversity in Unity.
Han Shan's 11th Maxim:
"Put a fish on land and he will remember the ocean until he dies. Put a bird in a cage, yet he will not forget the sky. Each remains homesick for his true home, the place where his nature has decreed that he should be.
Man is born in the state of innocence. His original nature is love and grace and purity. Yet he emigrates so casually without even a thought of his old home. Is this not sadder than the fishes and birds?"
One is never done with being human, and part of this is to revisit all the ways of being human in cyclic and spiral form. For me, one of the states I revisit on a regular basis is a sense of disconnection. Over the years, with each visit, I learn something new. Disconnection has many faces or facets. There are "bliss" forms, "anguish" forms, "longing" forms, "fear-filled" forms, forms of psuedo-"strength and invulnerability", and simple "numb" forms.
This particular bout of loneliness is again different as each always is. It has brought with it a "stability" within the storm that is noticeable, robust and trust-worthy. How odd to have this certainty of, "All is well" and a curious wanting to learn more about this state, while simultaneously experiencing the extremely distressing psychological "emptiness" and anxiety it generates when the "experiencer" searches for a way out.
I notice and record types of loneliness and nuances of each. This is interesting and perhaps useful at some level. The danger here lies in trying to "fix" life, (it is such a conundrum to make changes to alter a situation without "fixing"), or in doing nothing in order NOT to "fix". This pesky "Middle Way" is certainly a paradox!
Loneliness is experienced at the level of "I". "I" am alone...... yet there is an aloneness which is not lonely. "I" experience this every time I go for a walk. (Alone with being one with everything?)
During meditation today my mind was busy moving and sported many images which led to an Aha! in the deep. One of the images was of the dna of mother and father joining together to make one out of two at the moment of fertilization, and I realized that from the beginning I was never one, that from the beginning we all are twins and perspective exploded to infinite - stardust joining itself to be itself. Stardust zygote calling for stardust nourishment to grow. Stardust universe pouring itself into stardust embryo to both diminish itself on one side of a balanced equation with a growing self on the other. Then a waterfall came into sight and the river basin it was pulled into. The call and response of Universe. "Catch me! Here I come!" "Come and jump, I will catch you!" In the end, only water; flowing, falling, crashing, caught, roaring, misting, rainbow-ing, rising as vapor to cloud and rain.
Unity in diversity. Diversity in Unity.
Han Shan's 11th Maxim:
"Put a fish on land and he will remember the ocean until he dies. Put a bird in a cage, yet he will not forget the sky. Each remains homesick for his true home, the place where his nature has decreed that he should be.
Man is born in the state of innocence. His original nature is love and grace and purity. Yet he emigrates so casually without even a thought of his old home. Is this not sadder than the fishes and birds?"
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